I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize