I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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