he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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