If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its liver damage thursday
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
