If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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