dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
