I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
pop tarts are not kleenex
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
