Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
