my mouth tastes like poor choices
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
