My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We left the knife in your bed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
