He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
