she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
