and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
