maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
