Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
