I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize