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i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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