I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
