I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
