you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
