Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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