That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
