he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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