Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
