Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
