I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
