Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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