just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize