Swine flu. Run for my life!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
