I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
