You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize