dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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