i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
