Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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