I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
