there's paper in my vomit.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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