Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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