The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
