and you said cock pushups were impossible
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
