How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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