Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
