Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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