On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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