when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
