The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize