sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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