hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
