I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
