my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
that is very illegal...i love you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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