he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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