Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
