I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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