If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
