Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she looked like the before picture.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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