These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
