It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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