i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
