you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Randomize
