When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
