I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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