Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
