He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize