Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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