I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
