Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
