since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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