You were right. It hurts to walk today.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize