Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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