YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
