I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
