"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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