3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
