i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
