everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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