There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
