If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Houston, we have a blender
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize