My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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