she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
