she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
