I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
