R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
