Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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