She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
