is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
