Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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