U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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