there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize