He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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