mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize