yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
